Wild kingdom

Oh my gosh, my golly, this new book by Earl Wild.

My friend Michelle, there is something she writes when she is just overwhelmed laughing over something. She writes: "*** crying ***."

So let me do that too.

*** Crying ***

This thing, titled "A Walk on the Wild Side," is 886 pages long. It weighs a million pounds. I find myself needing to tote it everywhere. I took it to work yesterday and everyone was asking, "What do you have in that bag?" I might take it to the gym and use it instead of the weights in Zumba Toning class! I just cannot bear to be separated from it.

Wild just takes shots at everything and everyone. You would not believe it. It is like having him in the room with you. Actually it is like having him as your roommate for the rest of your life. I mean, with 900 pages there is always going to be something new.

He attacks out-of-bounds people like Alfred Brendel. I mean, who in the world mocks out Brendel?

Wild writes stuff like "Do as I say, not as I do, right, Al?"  He also has issues with, I don't know, Krystian Zimerman.And the New York Times music critic. And another New York Times music critic. People nobody in his right mind insults, Wild insults. He is just going for broke.

A while ago I remember reading this book was going to be published by Carnegie Mellon but it appears now to have been published independently through Ivory Classics. Fine, that is the way of the future. We are going to be seeing a lot more of this. Meanwhile I wonder if maybe Carnegie Mellon wanted nothing to do with some of the stuff in here. I mean, you have to wonder.

Adding to the fun, there is a lot that has nothing to do with music. Last night I was reading out loud to Howard this episode about a prim, owlish girl at one of the universities where Wild taught who went and created, out of the blue, this pornographic art exhibit. Howard and I were both *** crying ***. At one point I could not even read. I had to put my head down on the table and catch my breath.

I am going to be writing a more, ahem, exhaustive account of this book shortly in The Buffalo News. So I cannot give everything away. Let me just saw this for now, probably this book should have been aggressively edited and cut but I personally am glad it was not.

It is glorious in its voluminousness!

The book costs $45 but it is worth every penny and then some.

It will entertain you for the rest of your life!